i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My breasts were aching with rage.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
