I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
