there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
