my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Drake has all the answers
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
