You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
