You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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