I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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