Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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