my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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