Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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