Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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