so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
