We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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