Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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