Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
