no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
