My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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