Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
