I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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