I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
