Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize