I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
