btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
