3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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