I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
