Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There's always time for handjobs
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
