weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
