I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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