if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had to cum in my sink.
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