he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
