she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
