No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
