I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
