well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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