forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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