Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
