Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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