I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
