His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
