Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
