i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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