I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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