jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
