Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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