whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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