the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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