I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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