I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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