I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
