And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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