It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
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I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
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He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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