I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
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but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
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So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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