Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
