I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
