You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
