This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
