There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
this must be what syphilis tastes like
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
