I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
