i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
