I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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