I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
