Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
