ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
