I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
