I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When are your genitals available?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
