I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize