So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
