My brain says no but my pants say off.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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