my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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