Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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