Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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