I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
from now on my penis is your penis
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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