Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
