come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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