and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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