I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
