you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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