did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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