He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
