I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
