he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
