Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
